I'm writing for a homework assignment, and I'm getting all emotional
The class is Religion and Psychology - the assignment asks to think about someone you hold closely to your heart. And I thought, wow I have friends who I really enjoy, but I don’t really care for anyone in the sense where I think about them everyday. I suppose I am afraid to invest too much in others because I fear that they will abandon me.
And then I start writing about my mother and how I wish I could show her how much I love and appreciate her instead of being such a cold and heartless son. And then my assignment turns into a Tumblr post. I even tear up while I’m writing it. How I wish I was a better son. How I wish I could convey my gratitude better.
Now my assignment, which is supposed to be a couple paragraphs, has turned into 5 pages. I’m not even sure if it’s cohesive or just a messy hodgepodge of my buried emotions on the computer screen. But now I don’t even know if I should turn it in. Will the teacher just think I am an emotional wreck… an overthinking basketcase?
But this is my favorite course this semester. The professor is so honest - she talks about her deficiencies, her struggles, her personal issues. This is the first professor who has made me realize that we are all people - we all suffer - we are all like one another. It is hard to put into words how this professor has positively influenced my life. At first, I was judgmental about her telling her students her problems. But it all ties together. Her lessons about how we are all one. We all have an inner nature of nobility, yet ignorance causes us to suffer. We are all suffering. We are all broken. And compassion - complete acceptance without intention to fix the problems of the world - is what connects us to everything. Compassion is our inner nature and allows us to acknowledge our suffering and to choose to love nonetheless.
So I felt like going to my room to grab my Toblerone, Hershey’s dark choloate, and Hershey’s cookies and cream bars. But the stairs were dark, and I thought I could be a man and just walk up them, but that thing happened where you lift your leg expecting a stair BUT THERE ISN’T ONE and then you FALL LIKE YOU’RE GOING TO DIE, but then you live, but your leg is all effed up and you’re like, damn, i’m a noob.
Thank goodness for Google’s “cached” pages that saves old stuff because I found my old theme!!! But all the customizations are gone so I have to go back and make all the minor details. Sorry, homework… you’ll just have to wait. There are more important things at the moment.
1) When I buy a house, I am going to make sure it is close to Costco. I love the food at Costco. It is so yummy and cheap.
2) Everyone in the world is stupid and they drink and hookup and I wish people wouldn’t give themselves away so easily or be so desperate but I can’t decide if that’s a reason to not like them or if I should have a forgiving heart. Blehh
3) I want to be a kid again. I want to be 2 or 3 years younger and date a girl who loves me and I love her and we can be happy and have fun together. Simple. as. that.
4) I almost hit a dumbass today who decided to change into the same lane I was changing into, from the opposite side, and he didn’t even turn his head at all, like a true dumbass.
The best way to get back at these dumbasses is to speed up, cut them off, and then click the button that sprays water and washes your windshield because it will get all that dirty water onto their car lololol.
I want to change the format of my tumblrrrr. I feel like it is way too serious right now, and I want it to be more like a place that I can post random things at random times and not have to worry about being judged :P